Week 2
Racing Bats 2 Dad’s Army 1
Racing Bats 3 Spartak Mojo 0
RECORD BREAKING NIGHT FOR SOARING BATS!
BATS are flying high after a night that saw history in the making.
Bats fans saw their team record back-to-back victories in one night for the first time in the club’s history on Wednesday at the famous Wandsworth Arena.
Furthermore the night also saw Duncan Hep hit home with his first-ever competitive hat-trick for the Bats to emerge with a 3-0 whitewash of arch-rivals Spartak Mojo.
The results mean that Bats have firmly planted themselves in second place in the league with only unbeaten Bandits ahead of them.
But the broken records will mean nothing unless the Bats can build on their current form with good results against top-placed Bandits and third-placed Video Cali.
The back pages of the Sunday press have been questioning apparrent plans to put in-form player Duncan Hep between the sticks for the two games. Hep was quoted on Sunday afternoon as saying: "Of course it's the manager's decision and I respect that - but I also want the chance to build on last week's performance and if he thinks i'm going in goal without a fight then there could be problems!"
These loose-lipped quotes have sparked rumours that Duncan Hep could be docked a week's wages and The Cat has urged players to talk to him before going to the press in future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now for an official club statement from Captain, Director of Football and Manager... The Cat..
It is with great sadness that we kick off the second ever season of the Racing Bats with a depleted squad. Firstly we wish Samsonite all the best in progression of his career and hope that he is available, fitter and more calculated than ever next season.
Secondly all our thoughts go out to Felgate. The club can confirm he has undergone key hole surgery on what is still believed to be a career threatening knee injury. A testimonial is scheduled towards the end of the season against arch rivals Spartak Mojo, all proceeds will go to the ‘Save the Felgate Foundation’ and hopefully finance his trip to the US of A to see a specialist. We hope Felgate uses this support wisely and does not come back with his knee still in tatters but instead a converted Scientologist with a massive new penis.
Whilst on the topic of injury it would be appreciated if anyone happens to spot our stay away player Hodgy? If so could they please let us know his whereabouts, he was last seen nearly making the Tenerife training camp before play acting a foot injury and having an alleged bust up with middle eastern investors over club plans for world domination.
However lets put that all to one side and get positive. A bloody great start to the first four matches has put the Bats straight into the promotion fight, its early days but the depletion of the squad has only helped gel the boys together creating a real unit of pure resilience and resolve. Aside from the title race a special mention goes to Monday nights Hat trick Hero Bat! A remarkable performance resembling the great Rush, Dalglish Liverpool era has led the fans to already hotly tip Duncan for players player and even peoples player of the year awards!!!
The big question I ask myself is should it have been 4 goals? If you'd measured the FA Ruling against the opposing keepers crossbar height then the answer is 'No', disallowed. But if you'd measured the ruling against his moral then the call is 'YES' GOOOOAAAL. Whatever the rule and its apparent crossbar height relation the moral grounding or should I say grinding left its mark. The disdain and arrogance of the chip reminded me of Cantona! If Duncan had a collar it would have been well and truly up with seagulls following his trawler . Such controversy will always be refuted and never agreed upon but remembered forever. So all there is for me to say is that performances like this warrant terrace songs of legend and stories fathers will tell their sons and their sons sons in generations to come!
Permissum Pugna Ineo
The Cat
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---4--------3-------4-----------0---------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0---------0-------------0
J.Hepburn-------2-------0-------1-----------2--------0--------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------1----------2---------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------4-------3-------0----------0---------0-------------0
D. Stalley---------4-------4------1----------0---------0--------------0
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Monday, 19 January 2009
SEASON 2 Week 1
Racing Bats 3 PSV Wandsworth 2
Racing Bats 4 Video Cali 4
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---2--------3-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----0------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
R.Felgate---------0-----0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------0-------0-------1-----------2--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------0----------0---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------2-------0-------0----------0---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------2------1----------0---------0--------------0
Racing Bats 4 Video Cali 4
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---2--------3-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----0------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
R.Felgate---------0-----0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------0-------0-------1-----------2--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------0----------0---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------2-------0-------0----------0---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------2------1----------0---------0--------------0
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---16--------8-------4-----------1---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----15------4-------3-----------4---------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------16------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------15-------4-------5-----------4--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------13-------6-------5----------6---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------15-------2-------4----------4---------0---------------1
D. Stalley---------13-------13------5----------0---------0--------------0
D.Vorobtsova---16--------8-------4-----------1---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----15------4-------3-----------4---------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------16------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------15-------4-------5-----------4--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------13-------6-------5----------6---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------15-------2-------4----------4---------0---------------1
D. Stalley---------13-------13------5----------0---------0--------------0
Wednesday, 10 December 2008
Racing Bats 8/12/08
INJURED PLAYERS, INJURED PRIDE AND INJURED SEASON
Racing Bats 1 Spartak Mojo 1
Racing Bats 2 Dad's Army 3
THE Bats dream of a successful first season came to a bitter end on Monday night as they came away with a hard-fought draw against arch rivals Spartak Mojo and lost to the pathetic collection of men who make up Dad’s Army.
And to add injury to insult joint top scorer Rob Felgate spent most of the night in Tooting A+E with damage to his medial cartilage meniscus and possibly cruciate ligament as well. The club’s physios are carrying out tests but the target man will almost certainly be out for the rest of the season and possibly much of the next campaign, and maybe even the rest of his career. An anonymous player commented: “Poor Rob but as long as we still have Damo he shouldn’t be missed that much.”
Felgate twisted his knee chasing the ball after Andy Hep – in his famous lazy fashion – had lost possession. He was carried from the pitch and sat on the sidelines wearing a pair of rather fetching girl’s tracksuit bottoms while he waited for a lift to hospital. The press caught up with Rob during his four hour wait in A + E but all he would say was: “I don’t blame Andy for my injury but I fully expect the rest of the team and the fans to.”
Left footed Andy Hep, when he wasn’t lazily defending, stepped up his game again to power home two cracking right-footed shots with Damo scoring the third of the night with a beautifully placed curled effort which gave the keeper no chance. With Rob's injury Damo will almost certainly go on to become Racing Bat's first ever top scorer... an accolade that is not to be taken lightly.
Duncan endured another nightmarish experience between the sticks taking his record to nine goals conceded in two matches. After the game he ranted: “Well that’s the last time I go in goal. I used to be good, no seriously I did. I blame Andy!”
With Dima ill with the flu and Rob crippled on the sidelines it gave the rest of the team the chance of a full-match run-out. Despite Samsonite looking like he was ready to die after a few minutes in the last few weeks, the ‘alleged’ gym work has obviously been paying off and he was able to keep up with the pace and put in a solid performance.
On top of all the other injury and illness problems facing the team our fearless leader The Cat, apparently feeling left out, decided to throw himself into the path of a stray elbow – causing him a nasty little cut under the eye and hopefully some bruising that will have people asking: “Is Becky beating you again James? Should we call social services?”
Al in all it was a pretty grim week for the Bats but with one match to go in the season they will surely strive to ‘get their shit together’ and look to a successful next campaign.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---15--------7-------4-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----13------3-------3-----------4---------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------16------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------13-------3-------5-----------4--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------12-------5-------5----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------13-------2-------2----------4---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------11-------12------4----------0---------0--------------0
Racing Bats 1 Spartak Mojo 1
Racing Bats 2 Dad's Army 3
THE Bats dream of a successful first season came to a bitter end on Monday night as they came away with a hard-fought draw against arch rivals Spartak Mojo and lost to the pathetic collection of men who make up Dad’s Army.
And to add injury to insult joint top scorer Rob Felgate spent most of the night in Tooting A+E with damage to his medial cartilage meniscus and possibly cruciate ligament as well. The club’s physios are carrying out tests but the target man will almost certainly be out for the rest of the season and possibly much of the next campaign, and maybe even the rest of his career. An anonymous player commented: “Poor Rob but as long as we still have Damo he shouldn’t be missed that much.”
Felgate twisted his knee chasing the ball after Andy Hep – in his famous lazy fashion – had lost possession. He was carried from the pitch and sat on the sidelines wearing a pair of rather fetching girl’s tracksuit bottoms while he waited for a lift to hospital. The press caught up with Rob during his four hour wait in A + E but all he would say was: “I don’t blame Andy for my injury but I fully expect the rest of the team and the fans to.”
Left footed Andy Hep, when he wasn’t lazily defending, stepped up his game again to power home two cracking right-footed shots with Damo scoring the third of the night with a beautifully placed curled effort which gave the keeper no chance. With Rob's injury Damo will almost certainly go on to become Racing Bat's first ever top scorer... an accolade that is not to be taken lightly.
Duncan endured another nightmarish experience between the sticks taking his record to nine goals conceded in two matches. After the game he ranted: “Well that’s the last time I go in goal. I used to be good, no seriously I did. I blame Andy!”
With Dima ill with the flu and Rob crippled on the sidelines it gave the rest of the team the chance of a full-match run-out. Despite Samsonite looking like he was ready to die after a few minutes in the last few weeks, the ‘alleged’ gym work has obviously been paying off and he was able to keep up with the pace and put in a solid performance.
On top of all the other injury and illness problems facing the team our fearless leader The Cat, apparently feeling left out, decided to throw himself into the path of a stray elbow – causing him a nasty little cut under the eye and hopefully some bruising that will have people asking: “Is Becky beating you again James? Should we call social services?”
Al in all it was a pretty grim week for the Bats but with one match to go in the season they will surely strive to ‘get their shit together’ and look to a successful next campaign.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---15--------7-------4-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----13------3-------3-----------4---------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------16------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------13-------3-------5-----------4--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------12-------5-------5----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------13-------2-------2----------4---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------11-------12------4----------0---------0--------------0
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Racing Bats 1/12/08
THE START OF A NEW ERA… Well almost
RACING BATS 3 VIDEO CALI 2
RACING BATS 2 SABRETOOTH 3
‘TWAS a cold December day when a vicious chill rattled the bones of people everywhere and sensible men stayed away from activities involving the wearing of shorts. But one group of lads took a deep breath of the crisp winter’s air and descended on the Wandsworth Arena under fresh leadership - and thus a new era was born. Up went the chant… “O Captain! My Captain!” as the portly man known only as ‘The Cat’ led out his team with one objection in mind… taking six points from two of the front-running opponents.
But alas it was not to be and the Racing Bats – although finally showing glimpses of their full and undeniable potential – had to settle for a hard-fought win and an unlucky defeat as they moved up to joint third in the table – with the dream of silverware still alive.
The enchanted night saw a revitalised looking Ando Hep prove that, without the anchor of captaincy dragging him down (and just the weight of that ‘Lesbian Fro’ holding him back), he was able to actually exert some effort and score two, no one, no two, no it was definitely one well-taken goal. In an in-game rant to the ref the ex-captain could be heard to say: “That f***ing second f***ing goal crossed the f***ing line ref you f***ing blind t***er!”
Also on offer to the scores of loyal Bat’s fans, who travel every week to watch their heroes play, was a contender for Goal-of-the-Season and a dead-cert for Goal-of-his-Life by none other than James ‘The Cat’ Hepburn ©.
Having silkily turned the defender down the left-flank with a drop-of-the-shoulder, The Cat unleashed hell with his faithful left foot and in true Roy of the Rovers style almost left a gaping hole in the keeper’s net. However suggestions of a new nickname of Captain Marvel were laughed off by everyone but The Cat himself.
As we approach the end of the Bat’s first ever season the race for top goalscorer is really hotting-up with out-of-form Rob and in-form Damo both on 11 goals thus far. The difference being that Damo has got his in nine appearances whereas Rob has taken 15. Stalley is the bookie’s favourite, and could have been further ahead if it weren't for Sabretooth's keeper who stopped a barrage of net-destined shots. But Rob still has the potential to cause an upset and is also in the race for top assister – level at the top on five with The Cat.
On a more sour note reports are suggesting that one of the teams members spent a night at her Majesty’s pleasure on the weekend. Reports are unconfirmed and no more details are available after the club successfully applied to the High Court for a media blackout injunction.
Once again the Bats may have only come away with three points but still put in two of the most convincing performances of the season and can't be ruled out of a possible surge to a second place finish.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---15--------7-------4-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----11-------3-------3-----------4----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------15------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------12-------3-------5-----------3--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------10-------3--------4----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------12-------2--------2----------3---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------9-------11--------4----------0---------0--------------0
RACING BATS 3 VIDEO CALI 2
RACING BATS 2 SABRETOOTH 3
‘TWAS a cold December day when a vicious chill rattled the bones of people everywhere and sensible men stayed away from activities involving the wearing of shorts. But one group of lads took a deep breath of the crisp winter’s air and descended on the Wandsworth Arena under fresh leadership - and thus a new era was born. Up went the chant… “O Captain! My Captain!” as the portly man known only as ‘The Cat’ led out his team with one objection in mind… taking six points from two of the front-running opponents.
But alas it was not to be and the Racing Bats – although finally showing glimpses of their full and undeniable potential – had to settle for a hard-fought win and an unlucky defeat as they moved up to joint third in the table – with the dream of silverware still alive.
The enchanted night saw a revitalised looking Ando Hep prove that, without the anchor of captaincy dragging him down (and just the weight of that ‘Lesbian Fro’ holding him back), he was able to actually exert some effort and score two, no one, no two, no it was definitely one well-taken goal. In an in-game rant to the ref the ex-captain could be heard to say: “That f***ing second f***ing goal crossed the f***ing line ref you f***ing blind t***er!”
Also on offer to the scores of loyal Bat’s fans, who travel every week to watch their heroes play, was a contender for Goal-of-the-Season and a dead-cert for Goal-of-his-Life by none other than James ‘The Cat’ Hepburn ©.
Having silkily turned the defender down the left-flank with a drop-of-the-shoulder, The Cat unleashed hell with his faithful left foot and in true Roy of the Rovers style almost left a gaping hole in the keeper’s net. However suggestions of a new nickname of Captain Marvel were laughed off by everyone but The Cat himself.
As we approach the end of the Bat’s first ever season the race for top goalscorer is really hotting-up with out-of-form Rob and in-form Damo both on 11 goals thus far. The difference being that Damo has got his in nine appearances whereas Rob has taken 15. Stalley is the bookie’s favourite, and could have been further ahead if it weren't for Sabretooth's keeper who stopped a barrage of net-destined shots. But Rob still has the potential to cause an upset and is also in the race for top assister – level at the top on five with The Cat.
On a more sour note reports are suggesting that one of the teams members spent a night at her Majesty’s pleasure on the weekend. Reports are unconfirmed and no more details are available after the club successfully applied to the High Court for a media blackout injunction.
Once again the Bats may have only come away with three points but still put in two of the most convincing performances of the season and can't be ruled out of a possible surge to a second place finish.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---15--------7-------4-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----11-------3-------3-----------4----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------15------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------12-------3-------5-----------3--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------10-------3--------4----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------12-------2--------2----------3---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------9-------11--------4----------0---------0--------------0
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Racing Bats 24/11/08
CROWD TROUBLE AS BATS DELIGHT & DELUDE
THE Bats went into week seven brimming with confidence and a sparkle not seen since the last ban on Sunday drinking. The team had one notable and continued absentee in Mr. Hodgson Snr with doubts now being cast over the centre backs career. All our hopes and thoughts go out to Timothy and the resurrection of his days as a major player.
Dads Army undertook their typical tedious tactical display, which the Bats deciphered quickly and set about undoing. It was not long before they struck and drew first blood. The first strike coming from Andy Hep going straight for the jugular with fatal effects. Again a confident team passed well and moved quickly often leaving the D’Army in disarray. Solid defending backed up the front line and it was not long before a 2nd and 3rd goal followed and the game was put well out of reach from the opposition.
Hepburn Snr and now more appropriately named ‘the Cat’ collected his first clean sheet of the season. Athletic pouncing, prancing and superb shot stopping reactions now install him as a prime contender for the No. 1 spot. The keeper also being responsible for two fine assists and constantly keeping his boyz vocally aware of the fast paced game. Although quoted post match as saying ‘he prefers the ruff and tumble of outfield play’ he has added another dynamic to this ever more resourceful team.
In comparison to the first match the second display had undertones of arrogance followed very quickly by shock and what can only be described as hapless superciliousness. Rather like a proud Stag stood defiant in the Scottish highlands after an over zealous rutting season, but unbeknown to the Stag he has 5 rifle sights trained on his ass ready to kill. And kill they did!
In the space of two minutes the Bats were three nil down. The keeper later announced he had given up after the first goal. However it was not until the slow motion replay that a story unfolded of perilous infighting and disdain that certain team members are inflicting on others. The self proclaimed Captain Ando was quite clearly seen and heard by members of the crowd bating the keeper and destroying his soul. From the back to the front the team collapsed. 5 – 0 down at half time. Two substitutions brought some life and respect to the second half, although Dynamo Dimo was so ill he failed to notice he had been substituted and Samsonite taken off due to shock. Four goal Felgate and the Self proclaimed Captain Ando took the field with some hopes of revival. But the crowd told a different story with drawn out deathly silences followed by booing everyone time Ando touched the ball. As the match entered the final minutes one goal was all that could be salvaged.
To end an indifferent night the final story of the day coming from the fans as they roared out ‘Are you Gallas in disguise?’. Ando seemed not to care as he petulantly left the pitch. A tunnel fracas, flare throwing and damage to the Wandle Stadium led to an emergency club statement. Soon after and live from the press office in GJ’s we were left with no misunderstanding that the Club are taking the power back by stripping him of his captaincy and his porno collection. Rumours are rife of an appointment in the coming weeks but the Club stated they will take their time and a decision will be made in true x-factor style (please note new voting system).
Once again a memorable evening for all but real signs the foundations are getting stronger and stronger.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Racing Bats Week 6 - 17/11/08
News in brief:
RACING BATS REVIVAL
The Racing Bats responded to calls from senior management and fans and demolished Spartak Mojo with a truly bold and defiant display. Four Goal Hero Damo linked well during his second start of the campaign. Not since Four Goal Felgate have the Bats experienced such striking prowess. An outstanding overall team performance excites all of positive things to come. The Bats second display of the evening was marred by fatigue and adrenaline burn out from their Mojo Victory. Nuff said.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---13--------6-------3-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----10-------3-------3-----------3----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------13------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------11-------2-------5-----------2--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------8-------2--------3----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------10-------2--------2----------3---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------7-------9--------3----------0---------0--------------0
THE Bats went into week seven brimming with confidence and a sparkle not seen since the last ban on Sunday drinking. The team had one notable and continued absentee in Mr. Hodgson Snr with doubts now being cast over the centre backs career. All our hopes and thoughts go out to Timothy and the resurrection of his days as a major player.
Dads Army undertook their typical tedious tactical display, which the Bats deciphered quickly and set about undoing. It was not long before they struck and drew first blood. The first strike coming from Andy Hep going straight for the jugular with fatal effects. Again a confident team passed well and moved quickly often leaving the D’Army in disarray. Solid defending backed up the front line and it was not long before a 2nd and 3rd goal followed and the game was put well out of reach from the opposition.
Hepburn Snr and now more appropriately named ‘the Cat’ collected his first clean sheet of the season. Athletic pouncing, prancing and superb shot stopping reactions now install him as a prime contender for the No. 1 spot. The keeper also being responsible for two fine assists and constantly keeping his boyz vocally aware of the fast paced game. Although quoted post match as saying ‘he prefers the ruff and tumble of outfield play’ he has added another dynamic to this ever more resourceful team.
In comparison to the first match the second display had undertones of arrogance followed very quickly by shock and what can only be described as hapless superciliousness. Rather like a proud Stag stood defiant in the Scottish highlands after an over zealous rutting season, but unbeknown to the Stag he has 5 rifle sights trained on his ass ready to kill. And kill they did!
In the space of two minutes the Bats were three nil down. The keeper later announced he had given up after the first goal. However it was not until the slow motion replay that a story unfolded of perilous infighting and disdain that certain team members are inflicting on others. The self proclaimed Captain Ando was quite clearly seen and heard by members of the crowd bating the keeper and destroying his soul. From the back to the front the team collapsed. 5 – 0 down at half time. Two substitutions brought some life and respect to the second half, although Dynamo Dimo was so ill he failed to notice he had been substituted and Samsonite taken off due to shock. Four goal Felgate and the Self proclaimed Captain Ando took the field with some hopes of revival. But the crowd told a different story with drawn out deathly silences followed by booing everyone time Ando touched the ball. As the match entered the final minutes one goal was all that could be salvaged.
To end an indifferent night the final story of the day coming from the fans as they roared out ‘Are you Gallas in disguise?’. Ando seemed not to care as he petulantly left the pitch. A tunnel fracas, flare throwing and damage to the Wandle Stadium led to an emergency club statement. Soon after and live from the press office in GJ’s we were left with no misunderstanding that the Club are taking the power back by stripping him of his captaincy and his porno collection. Rumours are rife of an appointment in the coming weeks but the Club stated they will take their time and a decision will be made in true x-factor style (please note new voting system).
Once again a memorable evening for all but real signs the foundations are getting stronger and stronger.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Racing Bats Week 6 - 17/11/08
News in brief:
RACING BATS REVIVAL
The Racing Bats responded to calls from senior management and fans and demolished Spartak Mojo with a truly bold and defiant display. Four Goal Hero Damo linked well during his second start of the campaign. Not since Four Goal Felgate have the Bats experienced such striking prowess. An outstanding overall team performance excites all of positive things to come. The Bats second display of the evening was marred by fatigue and adrenaline burn out from their Mojo Victory. Nuff said.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---13--------6-------3-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----10-------3-------3-----------3----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------13------11-------5-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------11-------2-------5-----------2--------1---------------0
A.Hepburn-------8-------2--------3----------5---------1--------------0
D.Hepburn-------10-------2--------2----------3---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------7-------9--------3----------0---------0--------------0
Friday, 14 November 2008
Director of Football: Half Season Report
As we reach the mid way point of the inaugural season I would like to congratulate all of the Racing Bats for avoiding relegation and taking down Spartak Mojo on goal difference. Despite some poor results and some very poor results we scored a healthy amount of goals, the leagues second top scorer! Unfortunately they were some what allocated to one or two games of free scoring madness. And unfortunately again that free scoring madness was politely extended to our competitors. You win some, you lose some.
Mary’s and Stanley depart our league and we are joined by Video Cali and Blue Mondays. Both of which have a leaky defensive record with 20 goals each against them, compare this to our 30 and we still have some work to do. This next season should see some notable returns to the squad with Big Hodge nearing full fitness and Damo finally finding his touch. The whereabouts of Little Hodge are currently unknown but tabloid press suggestions of a buddhist alcohol rehab retreat in darkest surrey are probably not far from the truth.
In my role as Director of Football I have been confidentially approached by a number of our team who have mentioned moral, tactical discipline and fitness as areas we need to improve on. Fitness is not my main worry but the preparation for the match is! Mentioning no names I’d like to raise a few key quotes that tell quite a story:
· “Oooh check me out I’m on gardening leave and smoked a joint at lunchtime” (Lesbian accent)
· “I just loved the first slide tackle so much I could not stop the second one man” (Ukrainian accent)
· “Urm yeah sorry fella, I just had 6 bottles of vino blanco with borko at lunch...chin up” (Watford accent)
· “I’m blowing out of my arse” (another Watford accent)
· “Back to the keeper, back to the keeper.....bloody listen next time”
· “Is anyone tracking back..............???”
· “F#ckin Sweet Man”
Putting that to one side I’d like to raise some positives and my top 5 key moments that helped define our season:
1. The Table Top
2. Danger Dimo (to be encouraged discreetly)
3. 4 Goal Felgate
4. Self proclaimed ‘Save of the Century’
5. Post Match De-brief and Cocktails
For the coming season I must ask for more commitment to less pre-match drinking and better defending with two touch pass and move. Particular efforts need to be applied to defending and man to man marking. Anyway we know all this so cheers and looking forwards to smashing Mojo next season with number one spot being the only option.
MUST BEAT MOJO....!!!
Laters and chin up.
The Cat
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---9--------6-------3-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----6-------3-------3-----------3----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------9--------9-------3-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------8--------2-------3-----------1--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------6-------1--------2----------3---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------7-------2--------2----------2---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------3--------2----------0---------0--------------0
Mary’s and Stanley depart our league and we are joined by Video Cali and Blue Mondays. Both of which have a leaky defensive record with 20 goals each against them, compare this to our 30 and we still have some work to do. This next season should see some notable returns to the squad with Big Hodge nearing full fitness and Damo finally finding his touch. The whereabouts of Little Hodge are currently unknown but tabloid press suggestions of a buddhist alcohol rehab retreat in darkest surrey are probably not far from the truth.
In my role as Director of Football I have been confidentially approached by a number of our team who have mentioned moral, tactical discipline and fitness as areas we need to improve on. Fitness is not my main worry but the preparation for the match is! Mentioning no names I’d like to raise a few key quotes that tell quite a story:
· “Oooh check me out I’m on gardening leave and smoked a joint at lunchtime” (Lesbian accent)
· “I just loved the first slide tackle so much I could not stop the second one man” (Ukrainian accent)
· “Urm yeah sorry fella, I just had 6 bottles of vino blanco with borko at lunch...chin up” (Watford accent)
· “I’m blowing out of my arse” (another Watford accent)
· “Back to the keeper, back to the keeper.....bloody listen next time”
· “Is anyone tracking back..............???”
· “F#ckin Sweet Man”
Putting that to one side I’d like to raise some positives and my top 5 key moments that helped define our season:
1. The Table Top
2. Danger Dimo (to be encouraged discreetly)
3. 4 Goal Felgate
4. Self proclaimed ‘Save of the Century’
5. Post Match De-brief and Cocktails
For the coming season I must ask for more commitment to less pre-match drinking and better defending with two touch pass and move. Particular efforts need to be applied to defending and man to man marking. Anyway we know all this so cheers and looking forwards to smashing Mojo next season with number one spot being the only option.
MUST BEAT MOJO....!!!
Laters and chin up.
The Cat
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---9--------6-------3-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----6-------3-------3-----------3----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------9--------9-------3-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------8--------2-------3-----------1--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------6-------1--------2----------3---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------7-------2--------2----------2---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------3--------2----------0---------0--------------0
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