Week 2

Week 2
Racing Bats 2 Dad’s Army 1
Racing Bats 3 Spartak Mojo 0

RECORD BREAKING NIGHT FOR SOARING BATS!

BATS are flying high after a night that saw history in the making.

Bats fans saw their team record back-to-back victories in one night for the first time in the club’s history on Wednesday at the famous Wandsworth Arena.

Furthermore the night also saw Duncan Hep hit home with his first-ever competitive hat-trick for the Bats to emerge with a 3-0 whitewash of arch-rivals Spartak Mojo.

The results mean that Bats have firmly planted themselves in second place in the league with only unbeaten Bandits ahead of them.

But the broken records will mean nothing unless the Bats can build on their current form with good results against top-placed Bandits and third-placed Video Cali.

The back pages of the Sunday press have been questioning apparrent plans to put in-form player Duncan Hep between the sticks for the two games. Hep was quoted on Sunday afternoon as saying: "Of course it's the manager's decision and I respect that - but I also want the chance to build on last week's performance and if he thinks i'm going in goal without a fight then there could be problems!"

These loose-lipped quotes have sparked rumours that Duncan Hep could be docked a week's wages and The Cat has urged players to talk to him before going to the press in future.

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And now for an official club statement from Captain, Director of Football and Manager... The Cat..

It is with great sadness that we kick off the second ever season of the Racing Bats with a depleted squad. Firstly we wish Samsonite all the best in progression of his career and hope that he is available, fitter and more calculated than ever next season.

Secondly all our thoughts go out to Felgate. The club can confirm he has undergone key hole surgery on what is still believed to be a career threatening knee injury. A testimonial is scheduled towards the end of the season against arch rivals Spartak Mojo, all proceeds will go to the ‘Save the Felgate Foundation’ and hopefully finance his trip to the US of A to see a specialist. We hope Felgate uses this support wisely and does not come back with his knee still in tatters but instead a converted Scientologist with a massive new penis.

Whilst on the topic of injury it would be appreciated if anyone happens to spot our stay away player Hodgy? If so could they please let us know his whereabouts, he was last seen nearly making the Tenerife training camp before play acting a foot injury and having an alleged bust up with middle eastern investors over club plans for world domination.

However lets put that all to one side and get positive. A bloody great start to the first four matches has put the Bats straight into the promotion fight, its early days but the depletion of the squad has only helped gel the boys together creating a real unit of pure resilience and resolve. Aside from the title race a special mention goes to Monday nights Hat trick Hero Bat! A remarkable performance resembling the great Rush, Dalglish Liverpool era has led the fans to already hotly tip Duncan for players player and even peoples player of the year awards!!!

The big question I ask myself is should it have been 4 goals? If you'd measured the FA Ruling against the opposing keepers crossbar height then the answer is 'No', disallowed. But if you'd measured the ruling against his moral then the call is 'YES' GOOOOAAAL. Whatever the rule and its apparent crossbar height relation the moral grounding or should I say grinding left its mark. The disdain and arrogance of the chip reminded me of Cantona! If Duncan had a collar it would have been well and truly up with seagulls following his trawler . Such controversy will always be refuted and never agreed upon but remembered forever. So all there is for me to say is that performances like this warrant terrace songs of legend and stories fathers will tell their sons and their sons sons in generations to come!

Permissum Pugna Ineo

The Cat

PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---4--------3-------4-----------0---------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0---------0-------------0
J.Hepburn-------2-------0-------1-----------2--------0--------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------1----------2---------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------4-------3-------0----------0---------0-------------0
D. Stalley---------4-------4------1----------0---------0--------------0

SEASON 2 Week 1

Racing Bats 3 PSV Wandsworth 2
Racing Bats 4 Video Cali 4

PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---2--------3-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----0------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
R.Felgate---------0-----0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------0-------0-------1-----------2--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------0----------0---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------2-------0-------0----------0---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------2------1----------0---------0--------------0