Week 3 - Summer 2011

'PASS AND MOVE' PROVING KEY TO SUCCESS FOR REJUVENATED BATS TEAM...

A new-look Bats team took to the field this season in an appropriately new-look Wandle five-a-side league that sees each team play one 36 minute game per week (similar to when the 'First Division' became the 'Premiership').

Needless to say that fitness immediately became an issue for the squad that often struggles to cobble together enough lads to play. The first week saw newcomer Paulo “Di Canio” Hep – a record signing for the club – make a much-anticipated debut.

But the former champs, who only marginally avoided relegation last season, stumbled at the first hurdle and suffered a 9-6 defeat to the decidedly average Bandits. On a brighter note Paulo impressed with his playmaking and was immediately asked to sign a long-term deal with the club - with the Bats’ Cat-like chairman even agreeing to turn a blind eye to the failed medical and drugs test in order to push the transfer through.

But the former champs learnt from their mistakes and stepped up their game to what was later described as their “best-ever performance” the following week as they overcame old rivals Neos with an epic 2-1 win. Free-flowing one-touch football was on the agenda with Duncan Hep and James “Gorlinhio” Gorely providing clinical finishes.

Week three saw the Bats keep their form and after a shaky start the team eventually cruised to 6-0 win, leaving them sitting joint second in table with one eye already on silverware. Duncan Hep was forced to sit out the game with a self-described “pain-in-the-ass” injury but he watched on as Gorely slotted the first two home in cool fashion, followed shortly after with finishes from "Discipline" Dimo Vorobstova, James “The Cat” Hepburn and last season's 'outstanding newcomer' award-winner Rob “Bobby Roo” McBarron, .

With a squad that is finally looking like real contenders and a team that is deperately trying to stay sober for the Monday night games, the Bats now look set to make a real push for the much-coveted league title.

Chairman James "The Cat" said: "Gorely is still banging them in left, right and centre (when he's not throwing a strop anyway).

"Rob is putting in fine performances between the sticks and is close to regaining his fitness enough to be a real danger to defenders outfield (when he can keep the ball below crossbar height that is).

"Dimo is using those ridiculously long legs to tackle people from up to a mile away and is chipping in with his fair share of goals (when he's not losing balls with wayward shots that sail into orbit).

"Duncan is staying solid at the back and even providing the odd goal (when he's not suffering debilitating ass problems).

"Paulo is settling in well and has fast become the playmaker the team has been lacking (when hes not gasping for someone to find him some water before he dies).

"Mike is as hard-tackling as ever (when he can be bothered to turn up).

"Andy Hep, who we allow back every now and again amidst controversy, put a great goalkeeping performance in again Neos.

"And me... well what can I say about me? When i'm not tripping over the ball i'm rifling shots into the top corners with my trusted left foot."



Pos Team Pld Won Drew Lost For Against Points Diff
1 SPARTAK MOJO 3 3 0 0 25 8 9 + 17
2 JSC 3 2 0 1 13 7 6 + 6
3 RACING BATS 3 2 0 1 14 10 6 + 4
4 THE BANDITS 3 2 0 1 17 16 6 + 1
5 BLUE MONDAYS 3 2 0 1 9 9 6 ---
6 KITCH & HONEY PR 3 1 1 1 12 6 4 + 6
7 NEOPOLITANS 3 1 0 2 12 10 3 + 2
8 OPTIMUS PRIME 3 1 0 2 6 21 3 - 15
9 CHESNEYS 3 0 1 2 2 10 1 - 8
10 GENESIS DONS 3 0 0 3 3 16 0 - 13