Director of Football: Half Season Report

As we reach the mid way point of the inaugural season I would like to congratulate all of the Racing Bats for avoiding relegation and taking down Spartak Mojo on goal difference. Despite some poor results and some very poor results we scored a healthy amount of goals, the leagues second top scorer! Unfortunately they were some what allocated to one or two games of free scoring madness. And unfortunately again that free scoring madness was politely extended to our competitors. You win some, you lose some.

Mary’s and Stanley depart our league and we are joined by Video Cali and Blue Mondays. Both of which have a leaky defensive record with 20 goals each against them, compare this to our 30 and we still have some work to do. This next season should see some notable returns to the squad with Big Hodge nearing full fitness and Damo finally finding his touch. The whereabouts of Little Hodge are currently unknown but tabloid press suggestions of a buddhist alcohol rehab retreat in darkest surrey are probably not far from the truth.

In my role as Director of Football I have been confidentially approached by a number of our team who have mentioned moral, tactical discipline and fitness as areas we need to improve on. Fitness is not my main worry but the preparation for the match is! Mentioning no names I’d like to raise a few key quotes that tell quite a story:

· “Oooh check me out I’m on gardening leave and smoked a joint at lunchtime” (Lesbian accent)
· “I just loved the first slide tackle so much I could not stop the second one man” (Ukrainian accent)
· “Urm yeah sorry fella, I just had 6 bottles of vino blanco with borko at lunch...chin up” (Watford accent)
· “I’m blowing out of my arse” (another Watford accent)
· “Back to the keeper, back to the keeper.....bloody listen next time”
· “Is anyone tracking back..............???”
· “F#ckin Sweet Man”



Putting that to one side I’d like to raise some positives and my top 5 key moments that helped define our season:

1. The Table Top
2. Danger Dimo (to be encouraged discreetly)
3. 4 Goal Felgate
4. Self proclaimed ‘Save of the Century’
5. Post Match De-brief and Cocktails


For the coming season I must ask for more commitment to less pre-match drinking and better defending with two touch pass and move. Particular efforts need to be applied to defending and man to man marking. Anyway we know all this so cheers and looking forwards to smashing Mojo next season with number one spot being the only option.

MUST BEAT MOJO....!!!

Laters and chin up.
The Cat

PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---9--------6-------3-----------0---------0---------------2
A.Hodgson-------1-------0-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----6-------3-------3-----------3----------0--------------0
R.Felgate--------9--------9-------3-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------8--------2-------3-----------1--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------6-------1--------2----------3---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------7-------2--------2----------2---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------3--------2----------0---------0--------------0