PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---16------13-------9----------1----------0------------1
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------9-------2-------3----------9----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------8-------3-------1----------8----------2-------------0
D.Hepburn-------16-------5------2----------1----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------17------19-------1----------0---------0------------0
Rich-------------4-------1--------0----------0---------0-------------1
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Week 7
BATS SHOW THAT THEY'RE NO PUSHOVER IN QUEST FOR PREMIERSHIP TITLE...
FURTHER to last weeks inaugural premiership debacle all team members were present and correct after strict disciplining by team officials and a revised transport strategy was put in place.
The strategy relied upon a Racing Bats board meeting with the local Council followed with further lobbying enabling the Bat Bus to travel in Wandsworth bus lanes. Mayor Boris became entangled in the argument as Borough politics took on the London Authority! The Mayor was quoted to say “such excellence in sporting fair play cannot be hampered by London’s transport network and therefore this unprecedented move will allow this team of role models freedom on the Borough of Wandsworth” Lucky enough when that whistle blows all politics becomes unimportant and the game comes to the forefront.
So to our first match which saw the Bats take on the reigning Premier League Champions; Neopolitans! The Bats looked confident and eager to play, one could have mistaken it for a touch of laziness but as the whistle blew the match sparked into life. Straight away it was obvious another Premier League team were caught off guard by this trailblazing tactical machine. One touch football accompanied by calm defensive positioning held Neo at bay. Neo were offered only one opportunity in the game which they took with an exceptional shot and goal. Alas they were already three-nil down and that one goal was not going to do the trick. The Bats bided their time and took every opportunity to strike as the Neo defence crumbled. Five Goals and yet another hat trick from Damo left the Premier League Officials, Crowds and Opposition unable to keep up with the pace of play. So much so and despite awarding five goals during the game the referee only notched up four to the Bats on his match card. An official inquiry is underway.
Wandsworth Stanley looked on in horror as they attempted to psyche themselves up for the next fixture. Alas and, despite the Bats back-to-back matches which pushed fitness levels to the limit, Stanley were no match for them. A gruelling physical battle left its mark on Stanley with a couple of injuries and likewise a sending off for the Ukrainian Super Star, Dimo. Not quite in line with club fair play and discipline principles but can the giant of man help it if he always gets to the ball first with those commanding size 16’s?! Alas the official should have been more lenient or less blind, who's to say? A Bat one - nil lead was brought level before half time but then the Bats stretched their legs and banged in a couple of beauties - one a deflection marking Duncan Hep's fifth of the campaign!
Another victory and a superior goal difference puts the Racing Bats at the top of table. From the depths of the A3 and East Hill jams to the top flight of the premiership in just 2 weeks and 3 games....expectation is high at the Wandle!
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---12------11-------8----------1----------0------------1
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------8-------2-------3----------8----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------7-------3-------1----------6-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------12-------5-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------13------15-------0----------0-----------0------------0
FURTHER to last weeks inaugural premiership debacle all team members were present and correct after strict disciplining by team officials and a revised transport strategy was put in place.
The strategy relied upon a Racing Bats board meeting with the local Council followed with further lobbying enabling the Bat Bus to travel in Wandsworth bus lanes. Mayor Boris became entangled in the argument as Borough politics took on the London Authority! The Mayor was quoted to say “such excellence in sporting fair play cannot be hampered by London’s transport network and therefore this unprecedented move will allow this team of role models freedom on the Borough of Wandsworth” Lucky enough when that whistle blows all politics becomes unimportant and the game comes to the forefront.
So to our first match which saw the Bats take on the reigning Premier League Champions; Neopolitans! The Bats looked confident and eager to play, one could have mistaken it for a touch of laziness but as the whistle blew the match sparked into life. Straight away it was obvious another Premier League team were caught off guard by this trailblazing tactical machine. One touch football accompanied by calm defensive positioning held Neo at bay. Neo were offered only one opportunity in the game which they took with an exceptional shot and goal. Alas they were already three-nil down and that one goal was not going to do the trick. The Bats bided their time and took every opportunity to strike as the Neo defence crumbled. Five Goals and yet another hat trick from Damo left the Premier League Officials, Crowds and Opposition unable to keep up with the pace of play. So much so and despite awarding five goals during the game the referee only notched up four to the Bats on his match card. An official inquiry is underway.
Wandsworth Stanley looked on in horror as they attempted to psyche themselves up for the next fixture. Alas and, despite the Bats back-to-back matches which pushed fitness levels to the limit, Stanley were no match for them. A gruelling physical battle left its mark on Stanley with a couple of injuries and likewise a sending off for the Ukrainian Super Star, Dimo. Not quite in line with club fair play and discipline principles but can the giant of man help it if he always gets to the ball first with those commanding size 16’s?! Alas the official should have been more lenient or less blind, who's to say? A Bat one - nil lead was brought level before half time but then the Bats stretched their legs and banged in a couple of beauties - one a deflection marking Duncan Hep's fifth of the campaign!
Another victory and a superior goal difference puts the Racing Bats at the top of table. From the depths of the A3 and East Hill jams to the top flight of the premiership in just 2 weeks and 3 games....expectation is high at the Wandle!
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---12------11-------8----------1----------0------------1
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------8-------2-------3----------8----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------7-------3-------1----------6-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------12-------5-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------13------15-------0----------0-----------0------------0
Week 6
Roadwork’s Jam Bat's Premiership Debut...
THE founding member, Captain and Player Manager was the only Bat ready to go last night at the Wandle Stadium.
The team coach had been held up on East Hill by road works and the lonely portly figure of The Cat stood unfretted willing to play rush goalie and have a pop at Mojo alone. A full squad of Mojo players lined up taunting the Cat but he stood strong, chomping at the bit and heard screaming “I’ll take you all down with me you ...#$%..!”
The Bats finally arrived but despite much protest the referee called the match in favour in Mojo. The arch rivals now archer than ever agreed to play the final minutes of the time allotment in a so called friendly that would not count to the league, within seconds the friendly became a Test and the Bats set about toying with their foe and beating them soundly. They swore to avenge the loss that was never a loss and the animosity between teams and official was at boiling point. The Bats team were luckily without their midfield maestro mouth of the south Ando as rumours of Swiss clinics persisted...some tabloid press even insinuating this as a cover up with evidence proving he was skiing like gimp whilst drinking himself and Sir Collo the Great under the table most nights! No doubt the rumours are not far from the truth and the estranged maverick Sir Collo will tell all...
Anyway replacing Ando was the Trickster ‘Tricky Dicky’ Richard Moran the latest signing to the illustrious Bats camp. Ando was not missed as Tricky slotted into the set up during the Mojo warm up test.
The second match of the evening enabled the Bats to really get on with their first season in the Premier League. The gentle Mojo warm up enabled a confident and impatient team enough edginess to really go for it. Little did the seasoned opposition realise that the promoted newbys would be so hardened, and from there on in the onslaught began...
THE founding member, Captain and Player Manager was the only Bat ready to go last night at the Wandle Stadium.
The team coach had been held up on East Hill by road works and the lonely portly figure of The Cat stood unfretted willing to play rush goalie and have a pop at Mojo alone. A full squad of Mojo players lined up taunting the Cat but he stood strong, chomping at the bit and heard screaming “I’ll take you all down with me you ...#$%..!”
The Bats finally arrived but despite much protest the referee called the match in favour in Mojo. The arch rivals now archer than ever agreed to play the final minutes of the time allotment in a so called friendly that would not count to the league, within seconds the friendly became a Test and the Bats set about toying with their foe and beating them soundly. They swore to avenge the loss that was never a loss and the animosity between teams and official was at boiling point. The Bats team were luckily without their midfield maestro mouth of the south Ando as rumours of Swiss clinics persisted...some tabloid press even insinuating this as a cover up with evidence proving he was skiing like gimp whilst drinking himself and Sir Collo the Great under the table most nights! No doubt the rumours are not far from the truth and the estranged maverick Sir Collo will tell all...
Anyway replacing Ando was the Trickster ‘Tricky Dicky’ Richard Moran the latest signing to the illustrious Bats camp. Ando was not missed as Tricky slotted into the set up during the Mojo warm up test.
The second match of the evening enabled the Bats to really get on with their first season in the Premier League. The gentle Mojo warm up enabled a confident and impatient team enough edginess to really go for it. Little did the seasoned opposition realise that the promoted newbys would be so hardened, and from there on in the onslaught began...
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Week 5
BATS STAND TALL TO CLAIM FIRST-EVER WINNERS MEDALS!
THE Racing Bats stood tall and proud as they watched-on and saw their promotion guaranteed by Spartak Mojo beating The Bandits.
The night could not have got off to a better start for both Bats and Mojo alike. Never before have the arch rivals been so close in ambition and achievement.
But in stark comparison start-of-season favourites the Bandits threw away their promotion opportunity by losing to Dads Army in a shock defeat. Bandit players and fans were jointly ejected from the Wandle Stadium as seats were ripped up and the gentile family occasion was marred by scenes of violence.
The Bandits were left to rely on a Bats victory to guarantee their promotion but the in-form side merely waltzed onto the pitch without a care in the world and strutted their stuff with brilliant white shirts and arrogant attitudes on display.
Mojo - still reeling from recent defeats against their derby rivals - looked an altogether different outfit, with determination set fiercely in their eyes and not a smile between them. But had the sauntering Bats spotted this change in stature? Had they boll##ks - they were already celebrating as the typically over optimistic fanatic crowd cheered “that’s why we’re champions, that’s why we’re champions.”
The scene was set and the whistle blew as a rabid Mojo threw everything they had at the opposing team with a never-before-seen vicious onslaught. Half-time came and went before the Bats finally awoke from their dream world to find a ravaged pitch, dishevelled comrades and a two goal deficit. All that could be done was to watch in despair as the the team managed to hold their back line and step off the field with their crowning moment suddenly in real jeopardy.
The crowd had fallen silent and suddenly the weight of despair began to descend on the Racing Bats. Were their shoulders broad enough to take such pressure? Had they thrown away their title dream? If the Managers aggression was anything to go by then there was some fight left in the team. His ferocious tirade of abuse at the players certainly spurred the frustrated and impatient crowd into action with outbreaks of jeers and flair throwing. A solemn Bats team were marched single file back onto the field. No emotion, no murmur of expectation with all in anticipation as to which team had turned up......The Champions or The Pompous Fairy Fudgepackers?!
The match against PSV Wandsworth was well into the first half when the Bats finally settled. The signs of redemption came with a goal from Duncan Hep but a sloppy equaliser from PSV soon after was enough to finally kick-start the Bats! And kick start it they did. Out of the blocks at full throttle and a more pressing team tore apart the opposition. Goals followed goals as every outfield player took it in turn to chisel their name onto the scoresheet. Dunco, Damo, Dimo and finally The Cat with a lightening turn, break away and a delightful right foot.
5 -1 at the final whistle saw the exhausted Bats fall to their knees. The Bandits nowhere to be seen, Spartak Mojo already down the pub celebrating an unexpected promotion and The Mighty Racing Bats crowned as Champions. The Queen anthem chorused throughout the stadium with the Bats jubilant but ready for their promotion debrief and well-earned cocktails.
Monday night football never had so many thrills, spills and violence. All expectations are on next season with the premiership awaiting both Bats and Mojo. All bets are on with a variety of odds available but early indications on Mojo for mid table and the Racing Bats in another push for silverware and premier title.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---10-------6-------6----------1----------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------6-------1-------3----------5----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------6-------3-------1---------4-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------9-------4-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------10------11-------3----------0-----------0------------0
THE Racing Bats stood tall and proud as they watched-on and saw their promotion guaranteed by Spartak Mojo beating The Bandits.
The night could not have got off to a better start for both Bats and Mojo alike. Never before have the arch rivals been so close in ambition and achievement.
But in stark comparison start-of-season favourites the Bandits threw away their promotion opportunity by losing to Dads Army in a shock defeat. Bandit players and fans were jointly ejected from the Wandle Stadium as seats were ripped up and the gentile family occasion was marred by scenes of violence.
The Bandits were left to rely on a Bats victory to guarantee their promotion but the in-form side merely waltzed onto the pitch without a care in the world and strutted their stuff with brilliant white shirts and arrogant attitudes on display.
Mojo - still reeling from recent defeats against their derby rivals - looked an altogether different outfit, with determination set fiercely in their eyes and not a smile between them. But had the sauntering Bats spotted this change in stature? Had they boll##ks - they were already celebrating as the typically over optimistic fanatic crowd cheered “that’s why we’re champions, that’s why we’re champions.”
The scene was set and the whistle blew as a rabid Mojo threw everything they had at the opposing team with a never-before-seen vicious onslaught. Half-time came and went before the Bats finally awoke from their dream world to find a ravaged pitch, dishevelled comrades and a two goal deficit. All that could be done was to watch in despair as the the team managed to hold their back line and step off the field with their crowning moment suddenly in real jeopardy.
The crowd had fallen silent and suddenly the weight of despair began to descend on the Racing Bats. Were their shoulders broad enough to take such pressure? Had they thrown away their title dream? If the Managers aggression was anything to go by then there was some fight left in the team. His ferocious tirade of abuse at the players certainly spurred the frustrated and impatient crowd into action with outbreaks of jeers and flair throwing. A solemn Bats team were marched single file back onto the field. No emotion, no murmur of expectation with all in anticipation as to which team had turned up......The Champions or The Pompous Fairy Fudgepackers?!
The match against PSV Wandsworth was well into the first half when the Bats finally settled. The signs of redemption came with a goal from Duncan Hep but a sloppy equaliser from PSV soon after was enough to finally kick-start the Bats! And kick start it they did. Out of the blocks at full throttle and a more pressing team tore apart the opposition. Goals followed goals as every outfield player took it in turn to chisel their name onto the scoresheet. Dunco, Damo, Dimo and finally The Cat with a lightening turn, break away and a delightful right foot.
5 -1 at the final whistle saw the exhausted Bats fall to their knees. The Bandits nowhere to be seen, Spartak Mojo already down the pub celebrating an unexpected promotion and The Mighty Racing Bats crowned as Champions. The Queen anthem chorused throughout the stadium with the Bats jubilant but ready for their promotion debrief and well-earned cocktails.
Monday night football never had so many thrills, spills and violence. All expectations are on next season with the premiership awaiting both Bats and Mojo. All bets are on with a variety of odds available but early indications on Mojo for mid table and the Racing Bats in another push for silverware and premier title.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---10-------6-------6----------1----------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------6-------1-------3----------5----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------6-------3-------1---------4-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------9-------4-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------10------11-------3----------0-----------0------------0
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Week 4
BATS FLY TO BLISTERING NEW HEIGHTS AND NEST AT TOP OF TABLE...
FOLLOWING last weeks snowed-off games you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Wandle Stadium would once again be deserted as torrential rain crashed down on Monday night.
But players and supporters alike showed their true grit and dedication to south London’s finest five-a-side league and the stage was set for the Bats to carry on their seemingly unstoppable charge up the table.
The artificial surface carried a zip not witnessed by the Racing Bats before but the eager crowd made clear their feelings that a pacey-pitch could work in promotion-hungry teams favour.
So as the penultimate week of the season kicked-off high expectations were quickly quashed by the news that the Bats already depleted squad was only four in number. Damo was no where to be seen and rumours were rife of him missing the team bus and making his own way to the stadium.
The blood-hungry crowd were chanting at the groundsmen – Roy’ the Gardener’ Gardner - “Are You Damo in Disguise?” But alas no he was not! The match started with a quick addition to the squad to make up the five. Unfortunately the ‘newby’ was a delinquent misfit who found it funny to tackle his own team members and was last seen laughing like the A-Teams Murdoch while humping the corner flag! It would not be out of hand to suggest he had either accepted a bung from local mafia betting rings, inadvertently wandered into the arena while in the midst of an acid trip or escaped from a local ‘special’ hospital.
It has however now been confirmed that he was sectioned under the mental health act and taken away in the early hours of Tuesday morning.
The Racing Bats went Two-nil down early on and the evening quickly started looking very bleak along with the worsening weather and mood of the dedicated supporters. Some question marks have been raised over Duncan Hep’s goalkeeping ability in the past, and there was seemingly no change on Monday night with the fifty-yard rockets presenting no problem but tap-ins and close-range shots leaving the keeper in a weeping heap on the floor.
With less than five minutes left in the match there was a roar from the crowd as Damo stepped out of the tunnel and readied himself for action. The Bats now up to full strength changed tactics and immediately went on the rampage. Within seconds they had scored with a powerful effort from towering all-rounder Dimo. Straight from the kick off the Bats were all over them and an equaliser, and second goal for the big man, was smashed home. Dads Army were panicked and had lost the plot and, taking advantage, the Bats soared forwards. With the clock ticking down and only seconds remaining Andy Hep slotted home the unlikely winner and the crowd went ballistic. The Bats held out but struggled to keep their calm knowing full well the top of the table clash was only a game away.
By now the fans had worked themselves into a frenzy, with hedonistic chanting more common with festivals than football! The Bandits, and self proclaimed so called headline act, took to the field amidst some crowd hostility. They were quickly followed by the Racing Bats in full team colours seemingly bounding onto the pitch and lapping up the pouring rain. It was comparable to a Battle of Bands and the Kaiser Chiefs to the Beastie Boys. They predicted a riot but got sabotaged as the Bats fought for their right to party.
The Bandits failed to hold their backline, frustration and grip on reality as they were taken apart. In full stride with debilitating passing it was close to the half way point when the Bats went one-nil up. If it were not for his smaller stature and pale white skin Damo’s step over frenzy and boyish charm could have had him being mistaken for Ronaldo. A nutmeg to their bruising target man and he was off down the left wing letting loose a finish the keeper had no chance of saving. The Cat was to be found in goal, and despite a cramp-ridden calf, making stupendous, lightning reaction save after save. The second goal and nail in the coffin came again from Damo – with a trademarl left-footed finish from the left flank.
The Bandits were distraught and with a suspected metatarsal injury to Dimo from a ungainly Bandit challenge, the Cat came out of goal to relieve the ailing Ukrainian.
A number of impressive last-ditch tackles from Duncan Hep were not enough to stop the Bandits taking advantage of the swap and quickly nicking a consolation goal but the defence shut up shop for the evening and played out their encore to record what could be prove to be a pivotal victory.
The Racing Bats are now top of the league going into the final fixtures with the title and promotion fully in their hands. But it is hard to believe after yesterday’s performance that they will let this epic season slip from their grasp. T
Bats arch-rivals Spartak Mojo seem to have put their early season problems behind them as they now join the promotion race. With two recent wins and the hope of two more next week mixed with some favourable results they could well join the Bats in the Premier Division next season.
--------------------------------------------------
Tabloid Gossip:
Kinky Ledge Cuffed!
- Rumours are rife about Damo’s match start miss. Damo the Ledge Stallion was found by friends, naked, gagged and cuffed to his bed. A source close to the family has suggested his police woman girlfriend had something to do with it.
Dimo Sidelined for 3 weeks
- Dimo has been sidelined for 3 weeks with a badly bruised metatarsal.
Dimo Breaks Metatarsal
- Dimo joins Rooney and Beckham in breaking his metatarsal and being sidelined for the rest of the season.
Dimo Spotted at Training Ground
- Dimo has been spotted putting the hours in as he shakes off last nights gruelling match.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---8--------5-------6----------1----------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------5-------0-------3----------4----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------5-------3-------1---------3-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------7-------3-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------8-------9-------2----------0-----------0------------0
FOLLOWING last weeks snowed-off games you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Wandle Stadium would once again be deserted as torrential rain crashed down on Monday night.
But players and supporters alike showed their true grit and dedication to south London’s finest five-a-side league and the stage was set for the Bats to carry on their seemingly unstoppable charge up the table.
The artificial surface carried a zip not witnessed by the Racing Bats before but the eager crowd made clear their feelings that a pacey-pitch could work in promotion-hungry teams favour.
So as the penultimate week of the season kicked-off high expectations were quickly quashed by the news that the Bats already depleted squad was only four in number. Damo was no where to be seen and rumours were rife of him missing the team bus and making his own way to the stadium.
The blood-hungry crowd were chanting at the groundsmen – Roy’ the Gardener’ Gardner - “Are You Damo in Disguise?” But alas no he was not! The match started with a quick addition to the squad to make up the five. Unfortunately the ‘newby’ was a delinquent misfit who found it funny to tackle his own team members and was last seen laughing like the A-Teams Murdoch while humping the corner flag! It would not be out of hand to suggest he had either accepted a bung from local mafia betting rings, inadvertently wandered into the arena while in the midst of an acid trip or escaped from a local ‘special’ hospital.
It has however now been confirmed that he was sectioned under the mental health act and taken away in the early hours of Tuesday morning.
The Racing Bats went Two-nil down early on and the evening quickly started looking very bleak along with the worsening weather and mood of the dedicated supporters. Some question marks have been raised over Duncan Hep’s goalkeeping ability in the past, and there was seemingly no change on Monday night with the fifty-yard rockets presenting no problem but tap-ins and close-range shots leaving the keeper in a weeping heap on the floor.
With less than five minutes left in the match there was a roar from the crowd as Damo stepped out of the tunnel and readied himself for action. The Bats now up to full strength changed tactics and immediately went on the rampage. Within seconds they had scored with a powerful effort from towering all-rounder Dimo. Straight from the kick off the Bats were all over them and an equaliser, and second goal for the big man, was smashed home. Dads Army were panicked and had lost the plot and, taking advantage, the Bats soared forwards. With the clock ticking down and only seconds remaining Andy Hep slotted home the unlikely winner and the crowd went ballistic. The Bats held out but struggled to keep their calm knowing full well the top of the table clash was only a game away.
By now the fans had worked themselves into a frenzy, with hedonistic chanting more common with festivals than football! The Bandits, and self proclaimed so called headline act, took to the field amidst some crowd hostility. They were quickly followed by the Racing Bats in full team colours seemingly bounding onto the pitch and lapping up the pouring rain. It was comparable to a Battle of Bands and the Kaiser Chiefs to the Beastie Boys. They predicted a riot but got sabotaged as the Bats fought for their right to party.
The Bandits failed to hold their backline, frustration and grip on reality as they were taken apart. In full stride with debilitating passing it was close to the half way point when the Bats went one-nil up. If it were not for his smaller stature and pale white skin Damo’s step over frenzy and boyish charm could have had him being mistaken for Ronaldo. A nutmeg to their bruising target man and he was off down the left wing letting loose a finish the keeper had no chance of saving. The Cat was to be found in goal, and despite a cramp-ridden calf, making stupendous, lightning reaction save after save. The second goal and nail in the coffin came again from Damo – with a trademarl left-footed finish from the left flank.
The Bandits were distraught and with a suspected metatarsal injury to Dimo from a ungainly Bandit challenge, the Cat came out of goal to relieve the ailing Ukrainian.
A number of impressive last-ditch tackles from Duncan Hep were not enough to stop the Bandits taking advantage of the swap and quickly nicking a consolation goal but the defence shut up shop for the evening and played out their encore to record what could be prove to be a pivotal victory.
The Racing Bats are now top of the league going into the final fixtures with the title and promotion fully in their hands. But it is hard to believe after yesterday’s performance that they will let this epic season slip from their grasp. T
Bats arch-rivals Spartak Mojo seem to have put their early season problems behind them as they now join the promotion race. With two recent wins and the hope of two more next week mixed with some favourable results they could well join the Bats in the Premier Division next season.
--------------------------------------------------
Tabloid Gossip:
Kinky Ledge Cuffed!
- Rumours are rife about Damo’s match start miss. Damo the Ledge Stallion was found by friends, naked, gagged and cuffed to his bed. A source close to the family has suggested his police woman girlfriend had something to do with it.
Dimo Sidelined for 3 weeks
- Dimo has been sidelined for 3 weeks with a badly bruised metatarsal.
Dimo Breaks Metatarsal
- Dimo joins Rooney and Beckham in breaking his metatarsal and being sidelined for the rest of the season.
Dimo Spotted at Training Ground
- Dimo has been spotted putting the hours in as he shakes off last nights gruelling match.
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---8--------5-------6----------1----------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0----------0----------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0----------0------------0
J.Hepburn-------5-------0-------3----------4----------1-------------0
A.Hepburn-------5-------3-------1---------3-----------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------7-------3-------1---------1-----------0-------------0
D. Stalley--------8-------9-------2----------0-----------0------------0
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Week 2
Week 2
Racing Bats 2 Dad’s Army 1
Racing Bats 3 Spartak Mojo 0
RECORD BREAKING NIGHT FOR SOARING BATS!
BATS are flying high after a night that saw history in the making.
Bats fans saw their team record back-to-back victories in one night for the first time in the club’s history on Wednesday at the famous Wandsworth Arena.
Furthermore the night also saw Duncan Hep hit home with his first-ever competitive hat-trick for the Bats to emerge with a 3-0 whitewash of arch-rivals Spartak Mojo.
The results mean that Bats have firmly planted themselves in second place in the league with only unbeaten Bandits ahead of them.
But the broken records will mean nothing unless the Bats can build on their current form with good results against top-placed Bandits and third-placed Video Cali.
The back pages of the Sunday press have been questioning apparrent plans to put in-form player Duncan Hep between the sticks for the two games. Hep was quoted on Sunday afternoon as saying: "Of course it's the manager's decision and I respect that - but I also want the chance to build on last week's performance and if he thinks i'm going in goal without a fight then there could be problems!"
These loose-lipped quotes have sparked rumours that Duncan Hep could be docked a week's wages and The Cat has urged players to talk to him before going to the press in future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now for an official club statement from Captain, Director of Football and Manager... The Cat..
It is with great sadness that we kick off the second ever season of the Racing Bats with a depleted squad. Firstly we wish Samsonite all the best in progression of his career and hope that he is available, fitter and more calculated than ever next season.
Secondly all our thoughts go out to Felgate. The club can confirm he has undergone key hole surgery on what is still believed to be a career threatening knee injury. A testimonial is scheduled towards the end of the season against arch rivals Spartak Mojo, all proceeds will go to the ‘Save the Felgate Foundation’ and hopefully finance his trip to the US of A to see a specialist. We hope Felgate uses this support wisely and does not come back with his knee still in tatters but instead a converted Scientologist with a massive new penis.
Whilst on the topic of injury it would be appreciated if anyone happens to spot our stay away player Hodgy? If so could they please let us know his whereabouts, he was last seen nearly making the Tenerife training camp before play acting a foot injury and having an alleged bust up with middle eastern investors over club plans for world domination.
However lets put that all to one side and get positive. A bloody great start to the first four matches has put the Bats straight into the promotion fight, its early days but the depletion of the squad has only helped gel the boys together creating a real unit of pure resilience and resolve. Aside from the title race a special mention goes to Monday nights Hat trick Hero Bat! A remarkable performance resembling the great Rush, Dalglish Liverpool era has led the fans to already hotly tip Duncan for players player and even peoples player of the year awards!!!
The big question I ask myself is should it have been 4 goals? If you'd measured the FA Ruling against the opposing keepers crossbar height then the answer is 'No', disallowed. But if you'd measured the ruling against his moral then the call is 'YES' GOOOOAAAL. Whatever the rule and its apparent crossbar height relation the moral grounding or should I say grinding left its mark. The disdain and arrogance of the chip reminded me of Cantona! If Duncan had a collar it would have been well and truly up with seagulls following his trawler . Such controversy will always be refuted and never agreed upon but remembered forever. So all there is for me to say is that performances like this warrant terrace songs of legend and stories fathers will tell their sons and their sons sons in generations to come!
Permissum Pugna Ineo
The Cat
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---4--------3-------4-----------0---------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0---------0-------------0
J.Hepburn-------2-------0-------1-----------2--------0--------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------1----------2---------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------4-------3-------0----------0---------0-------------0
D. Stalley---------4-------4------1----------0---------0--------------0
Racing Bats 2 Dad’s Army 1
Racing Bats 3 Spartak Mojo 0
RECORD BREAKING NIGHT FOR SOARING BATS!
BATS are flying high after a night that saw history in the making.
Bats fans saw their team record back-to-back victories in one night for the first time in the club’s history on Wednesday at the famous Wandsworth Arena.
Furthermore the night also saw Duncan Hep hit home with his first-ever competitive hat-trick for the Bats to emerge with a 3-0 whitewash of arch-rivals Spartak Mojo.
The results mean that Bats have firmly planted themselves in second place in the league with only unbeaten Bandits ahead of them.
But the broken records will mean nothing unless the Bats can build on their current form with good results against top-placed Bandits and third-placed Video Cali.
The back pages of the Sunday press have been questioning apparrent plans to put in-form player Duncan Hep between the sticks for the two games. Hep was quoted on Sunday afternoon as saying: "Of course it's the manager's decision and I respect that - but I also want the chance to build on last week's performance and if he thinks i'm going in goal without a fight then there could be problems!"
These loose-lipped quotes have sparked rumours that Duncan Hep could be docked a week's wages and The Cat has urged players to talk to him before going to the press in future.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And now for an official club statement from Captain, Director of Football and Manager... The Cat..
It is with great sadness that we kick off the second ever season of the Racing Bats with a depleted squad. Firstly we wish Samsonite all the best in progression of his career and hope that he is available, fitter and more calculated than ever next season.
Secondly all our thoughts go out to Felgate. The club can confirm he has undergone key hole surgery on what is still believed to be a career threatening knee injury. A testimonial is scheduled towards the end of the season against arch rivals Spartak Mojo, all proceeds will go to the ‘Save the Felgate Foundation’ and hopefully finance his trip to the US of A to see a specialist. We hope Felgate uses this support wisely and does not come back with his knee still in tatters but instead a converted Scientologist with a massive new penis.
Whilst on the topic of injury it would be appreciated if anyone happens to spot our stay away player Hodgy? If so could they please let us know his whereabouts, he was last seen nearly making the Tenerife training camp before play acting a foot injury and having an alleged bust up with middle eastern investors over club plans for world domination.
However lets put that all to one side and get positive. A bloody great start to the first four matches has put the Bats straight into the promotion fight, its early days but the depletion of the squad has only helped gel the boys together creating a real unit of pure resilience and resolve. Aside from the title race a special mention goes to Monday nights Hat trick Hero Bat! A remarkable performance resembling the great Rush, Dalglish Liverpool era has led the fans to already hotly tip Duncan for players player and even peoples player of the year awards!!!
The big question I ask myself is should it have been 4 goals? If you'd measured the FA Ruling against the opposing keepers crossbar height then the answer is 'No', disallowed. But if you'd measured the ruling against his moral then the call is 'YES' GOOOOAAAL. Whatever the rule and its apparent crossbar height relation the moral grounding or should I say grinding left its mark. The disdain and arrogance of the chip reminded me of Cantona! If Duncan had a collar it would have been well and truly up with seagulls following his trawler . Such controversy will always be refuted and never agreed upon but remembered forever. So all there is for me to say is that performances like this warrant terrace songs of legend and stories fathers will tell their sons and their sons sons in generations to come!
Permissum Pugna Ineo
The Cat
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---4--------3-------4-----------0---------0------------0
T.Hodgson------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
S.McCartney----0-------0-------0-----------0---------0------------0
R.Felgate--------0------0-------0-----------0---------0-------------0
J.Hepburn-------2-------0-------1-----------2--------0--------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------1----------2---------1-------------0
D.Hepburn-------4-------3-------0----------0---------0-------------0
D. Stalley---------4-------4------1----------0---------0--------------0
Monday, 19 January 2009
SEASON 2 Week 1
Racing Bats 3 PSV Wandsworth 2
Racing Bats 4 Video Cali 4
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---2--------3-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----0------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
R.Felgate---------0-----0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------0-------0-------1-----------2--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------0----------0---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------2-------0-------0----------0---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------2------1----------0---------0--------------0
Racing Bats 4 Video Cali 4
PLAYER------Apps---Goals---Assists---GK Apps---Clean sheet---Dis
D.Vorobtsova---2--------3-------1-----------0---------0---------------0
T.Hodgson-------0-------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
S.McCartney-----0------0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
R.Felgate---------0-----0-------0-----------0---------0--------------0
J.Hepburn-------0-------0-------1-----------2--------0---------------0
A.Hepburn-------2-------1-------0----------0---------0--------------0
D.Hepburn-------2-------0-------0----------0---------0---------------0
D. Stalley---------2-------2------1----------0---------0--------------0
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